Borrowed Courage

Borrowed Courage: Why We All Need a Little Help Being Brave

There are days when courage feels easy. The sun is out, the coffee is strong, and your heart feels steady enough to face whatever comes.

And then there are the other days.

The days when getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. When the phone feels heavy in your hand. When your past, your pain, or your anxiety sits on your chest and whispers, “Who do you think you are?”

On those days, your own courage doesn’t feel like enough.

That’s where borrowed courage comes in.

Borrowed courage is what happens when you lean on someone else’s strength, belief, and hope until your own returns. It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom. None of us were meant to do life -especially healing, growth, and recovery - alone.

This is a love letter to borrowed courage: why it matters, how to use it without draining yourself, and how to remember that your journey is yours, not a copy of anyone else’s.

What Is “Borrowed Courage”?

Borrowed courage is the kind of strength that doesn’t start with you, but still carries you.

It’s:

• The friend who says, “I know you’re scared, but I believe you can do this.”

• The sister who sits beside you at the appointment so you don’t walk in alone.

• The sponsor or mentor who picks up the phone at 2 a.m. and reminds you not to throw your progress away.

• The quiet text that simply says, “I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Sometimes borrowed courage is a conversation. Sometimes it’s a presence. Sometimes it’s simply knowing there is one person on this planet who won’t run when things get messy.

Borrowed courage doesn’t erase fear. It just makes it possible to move with fear instead of being frozen by it.

Why a Support System Matters So Much

Healing, growth, recovery, and change are heavy work. Trying to carry it all alone can become a setup for burnout, relapse, or just giving up.

A support system matters because:

1. It Interrupts Isolation

Pain loves isolation. Shame says, “Don’t tell anyone. They’ll judge you. You should be over this by now.”

Support cuts through that lie.

When you have a person or a circle to go to, you’re reminded:

• You’re not the only one who struggles.

• Your story is still worthy, even when it’s messy.

• You don’t have to be “fine” to be loved.

2. It Helps You See Beyond Your Feelings

On hard days, your feelings tell you that you’re stuck, hopeless, or broken. A support system brings outside perspective:

• “You’ve come a long way, even if you don’t see it.”

• “Remember when you thought you couldn’t get through last time, and you did?”

• “This feeling is real, but it’s not forever.”

That borrowed belief can be enough to keep going for one more hour, one more day.

3. It Holds You Accountable to the You - You Want to Be

People who love you will:

• Gently call you out when you’re slipping back into old patterns.

• Remind you of commitments you made to yourself.

• Encourage you to use the tools you already have instead of giving up.

Accountability shouldn’t be control or shame. It’s loving support that helps you stay aligned with your own values and goals.

The Power of Having Even One Person You Can Go To

A support “system” doesn’t have to be a big group, a huge family, or a perfect social circle. Sometimes, one safe person can change everything.

Having one person you can truly go to means:

• You have a place to release what’s heavy.

• You’re less likely to bottle everything up until you explode.

• You can test the belief that you are not “too much,” “too broken,” or “too needy.”

That one person might be:

• A close friend

• A sibling

• A therapist or counselor

• A sponsor or recovery partner

• A faith leader or mentor

• An online support buddy in a safe group

It isn’t about how long you’ve known them or whether they have all the answers. It’s about safety, compassion, and consistency.

If you haven’t found your “one person” yet, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It might mean you’re still in the season of searching and trying people out. That’s okay. Keep going. You’re worth the effort of finding safe connection.

How to Lend Courage Without Draining Yourself

Being the strong one for everyone can be exhausting. Maybe you’re the person who always answers the phone, always listens, always shows up.

Borrowed courage goes both ways: sometimes you’re borrowing it, sometimes you’re lending it. The key is to lend courage without pouring out so much of yourself that you’re left empty.

Here’s how:

1. Know Your Limits

You are not a bottomless well. You’re human. You get tired, triggered, and overwhelmed like everyone else.

It is okay to say:

• “I love you and I’m here, but I don’t have the emotional capacity for a heavy conversation tonight. Can we talk tomorrow?”

• “I want to support you, but I need to take care of my mental health too.”

• “I’m not the best person to help with this part, but I can help you find someone who is.”

Healthy boundaries don’t mean you care less. They mean you’re caring for both of you.

2. Support, Don’t Save

Lending courage doesn’t mean:

• Fixing their life

• Making decisions for them

• Carrying all their consequences

It means:

• Listening without judgment

• Reflecting back their strength and progress

• Asking good questions instead of giving constant advice

You can stand beside someone at the edge of the cliff and say, “I believe you can make this step,” without pushing them off or jumping for them.

3. Fill Your Own Cup First

You can’t pour courage from an empty cup. Protect your energy by:

• Taking breaks from heavy conversations when you need them

• Having your own support system, not just being someone else’s

• Practicing self-care that actually restores you (sleep, movement, quiet time, journaling, prayer, hobbies)

It is not selfish to step back and refuel. It’s responsible.

When to Reach Out - And How

Reaching out can feel awkward, scary, or “dramatic.” But waiting until you’re in full crisis can make it ten times harder.

Here are signs it may be time to reach out:

• You’re stuck in your own head and replaying negative thoughts on repeat.

• Your old coping mechanisms are calling your name louder and louder.

• You’re isolating, canceling plans, or pulling away from everyone.

• You feel like you’re “too much” and start thinking people would be better off without you.

• You feel the urge to self-sabotage or throw away your progress.

You don’t have to wait until everything is falling apart to ask for support. Reach out early and often.

How to Reach Out (Even If You Don’t Know What to Say)

You don’t need the perfect script. Start simple:

• “Hey, I’m having a rough day. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

• “I’m feeling really overwhelmed and I don’t want to go backward.”

• “Can you just sit with me on the phone while I ride this out?”

• “I don’t need advice. I just need someone to listen for a bit.”

If talking feels too hard, try:

• Texting or messaging

• Sending a voice note

• Writing it out and sharing it

• Saying, “I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m not okay.”

You don’t have to be polished to be worthy of support. You just have to be honest.

Tools That Can Help You Give and Receive Courage

Support doesn’t only live in people. There are tools that can help carry you on days when reaching out feels too hard, or to add extra support alongside your circle.

Here are some:

1. Journaling

Writing helps you:

• Get the noise in your head out onto paper

• Notice patterns in your thoughts and behaviors

• Track your progress over time

Even a few lines a day like “Today I felt…” or “Today I needed…” can give you clarity and help you see how far you’ve come.

2. Grounding and Breathing Exercises

When anxiety or fear spikes, your body needs support as much as your mind:

• Slow, deep breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6–8)

• Grounding exercises (5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste)

• Gentle movement: walking, stretching, or swaying to calming music

These don’t “fix” everything, but they help calm your nervous system enough to think clearly and reach out.

3. Support Groups and Online Communities

In-person or online communities focused on healing, recovery, chronic illness, grief, mental health, or personal growth can help you realize:

• You’re not alone.

• Your feelings are valid.

• People at different stages of the journey can lend you perspective and hope.

Just remember: not every space is safe or healthy. It’s okay to leave a group that feels draining, judgmental, or triggering.

4. Therapy, Counseling, or Coaching

A professional support person can:

• Help you work through trauma in a safe, structured way

• Teach you coping skills tailored to your situation

• Hold space for your story without needing anything in return

There is no shame in needing or wanting professional help. You deserve it just as much as anyone else.

5. Faith and Spiritual Practices (If They Help You)

For many, faith, prayer, meditation, or spiritual practices are another form of borrowed courage—a way to remember you’re held by something bigger than your current feelings.

Use what genuinely brings you peace, not what anyone says you should do.

How Not to Compare Your Journey to Anyone Else’s

Comparison is one of the fastest ways to drain your courage.

It whispers:

• “They’re healing faster than you.”

• “She relapsed less than you.”

• “He has his life together. What’s wrong with you?”

• “You should be over this by now.”

But your journey is not a race, a competition, or a performance. It’s a relationship between you and your life.

Here are ways to step out of comparison and back into compassion:

1. Remember: You Don’t See the Full Story

You might see:

• Their highlight reels

• Their best days

• Their “after” photos

You often don’t see:

• Their private breakdowns

• Their nights of wanting to give up

• Their own borrowed courage moments

Nobody gets through life without battles. If someone looks “ahead,” it just means they’ve fought different dragons, not that they’re better.

2. Replace “Why Am I Not There Yet?” with “What’s My Next Step?”

Instead of:

• “I should be where they are.”

Try:

• “What’s one small step I can take today that’s right for me?”

Focus on your next step, not someone else’s finish line.

3. Celebrate Your Quiet Wins

Not all progress is loud or obvious. Courage can look like:

• Getting out of bed when you wanted to hide

• Drinking water instead of reaching for an old coping mechanism

• Telling the truth when lying would have been easier

• Reaching out instead of isolating

These things count. They’re not “small.” They’re proof that you’re shifting from surviving to slowly healing.

4. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love

If your best friend talked to you the way your inner critic does, would you let them stay?

Borrow courage from the voice of compassion:

• “I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now.”

• “My pace is mine, and that’s okay.”

• “Healing is not linear, and that doesn’t mean I’m failing.”

The way you speak to yourself either drains your courage or fills it. Choose words that build you up.

You Don’t Have to Be Brave All by Yourself

Borrowed courage doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.

We all need:

• A hand to hold when life is heavy

• A voice to remind us we’re stronger than we feel

• A safe space to fall apart and still be loved

You are allowed to lean. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to be the one who needs support today and the one who lends courage tomorrow.

Your journey is yours. Your timing is yours. Your healing will not look exactly like anyone else’s, and that’s not a flaw. That’s the beauty of your story.

On the days when your courage feels small, remember: you don’t have to carry it alone. Borrow what you need. One day, when someone else is struggling to stand, you’ll look back at everything you’ve walked through and realize…

You’ve become the courage they can borrow, too.